11/24/21

Farewell, Social Media.

You know that tiny, quiet voice inside your head that guides you to make decisions? No, not the one that shames you into keeping your hand down when you have a question because you don’t want to ask a stupid one. I’m talking about the one that’s much much quieter...the one you have to really listen for. The one that’s more of a “full body sensation” than a voice. Mine is talking to me right now, and I always listen when it talks. Well, at least I do these days. Because it’s always right, even when others think it has gone insane and is leading me astray.

At age 20, I stumbled across a video about factory farms. It shook me. Three days later (after some extensive--perhaps obsessive--researching), I stopped eating meat, dairy, and eggs. I had never met a vegan, and no one (except my lovely sister Jess) understood what the heck I was thinking. Everyone thought I’d completely lost it, and argued against it; saying it was silly, rude, etc. Remember, I was in Louisiana... Yet 14 years later, I still think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself. Thank you, inner voice.

At age 27, I decided to end a marriage that wasn’t working for me. I was terrified—I’d been with this guy since I was 15, and knew nothing else. But I did know it wasn’t right. A few months later, I also quit on my “promising career” in the oil and gas industry. As you might guess, people had lots of opinions about both of those major life choices. But they felt right for me.

Later this same year, I was now in a low place. I found myself in the arms of a mentally abusive boyfriend...simply because he was there, and I had no one else. I ignored my inner voice (and dozens of huge, bright red flags) until things got so bad that I couldn’t make excuses for it any more. When I left him, he stalked me, threatened to post nudes of me, and more...but we’ll leave it there. I got rid of nearly everything, packed the rest of my stuff into my two-door car, and left town. I was back to listening to my inner voice again.

Los Angeles wound up being the birthplace of my restaurant, Krimsey’s Cajun Kitchen. What a blast that was! I loved the act of creating/building it, and for 4 years, I poured myself into it. The business was an improbable success!

But on the personal side, I was spiraling. The day-to-day demands of keeping the restaurant running were driving me to drink daily, often starting before lunch. I smoked weed every evening, binged on junk food, and had no hobbies. When I tried to take a day off, I couldn’t even figure out what I wanted to do. I would open my eyes in the morning and sob because I was awake and had to do another day of this life. It felt like Groundhog Day in a cold, gray, foggy Hell. I sunk into a deep depression that eventually led to suicidal ideations. It was the darkest place I’ve ever been in. But after getting help from friends, family, and some [very patient] mental health professionals, I began resurfacing. Soon, I was sober from alcohol, eating clean, and feeling hopeful for the future.

It took me another year to finally listen to my inner voice about the restaurant, though. I was so proud of it...and I wanted it to always be there for my vegan community! I loved being a gathering place for my people. Hosting live Cajun music nights, Mardi Gras parties, craft nights, birthday parties...I live for that sh!t! But overall, owning a restaurant was draining me. I was going against my inner voice, and I was suffering because of it. When COVID hit, I knew it was time. So, I halted construction on restaurant #2 (yeah I know, I was deep in it…), called my landlords, and started taking the first few difficult steps towards letting this place go. Most people rooted for me to keep going; to hang in there. They couldn’t understand why I would possibly want to close my place. To them, it wasn’t logical.

That dark place I’d been in taught me a valuable lesson. I now understood that ignoring my “inner voice,” or “gut,” or whatever you want to call it..is a terrible idea. It’s the only voice that is pure truth. It guides me when I don’t even understand where I’m being guided, or why. And right now, it’s guiding me to remove myself from social media.

Closing down the restaurant was a roller coaster of emotions. But as you can tell by my smile, pulling down the sign felt right.

I want more time to focus on my lived experience, and connect more deeply with others, in person. When social media is a part of my life, feel like I'm constantly switching back and forth between two worlds. And I just want to live in this one world over here, on the analog side, with my trees and dirt and snails and stuff.

I notice that I usually just feel emptied when I use Instagram and Facebook, and that is not bringing me closer to the above. It’s just TOO many people doing TOO many things! My brain short circuits or something. On top of that, if I follow the flow of the problem upstream, I notice that I often feel pressure to document my cooking in order to have content to post. I enjoy cooking SO much, but I don’t enjoy having to create a photo shoot for it while it gets cold, and making my partner wait for me to get a good pic before I can join them at the table.

I love making art, but I lack enthusiasm for turning that art into social media content. I’ve done it anyway, because I've always wanted to make my chances of success as high as possible. And what better way than on the internet? Unlimited reach potential, right?... But I sacrifice my limited time and energy resources to appease the SoMe Gods, instead of applying myself to other things, in the real world, where I like it best. SO MUCH WORK went into creating the Cajun Vegan Cookbook. A true labor of love like this takes immense time, energy, and focus. I created it all during my break from social media last year. I wonder if it would have been the same if I'd also been worrying about posting, etc. during that time?

I took all of my own photos for the Cajun Vegan Cookbook. And yes…it was a ton of work. Most people have no idea how much time/effort goes into setting up a food photo shoot. I could have hired someone for this part, but I liked being able to set up photos exactly like I wanted, and play around with things on-the-go.

The owners of all of these Social media apps want me to believe that I can’t be a successful creator/artist/writer without a presence on their platforms. But I trust that The Cajun Vegan Cookbook (and any other future things I create) will be valued because they are actually valuable, not because I post about them on social media. My hope is that as people pick up this book and use it/love it, they’ll be inspired to connect with a friend or family member who might love it too, and tell them about it. Or maybe even make plans to cook together sometime? I would love that.

I don’t believe that social media is “evil.” But I do believe it’s a drug. We are all wired to seek out connection with others, and social media is the “almost” version of that which we truly & deeply crave. It exploits our human desire to see and be seen. We grab for anything that makes us forget how much our jobs suck, or how we’re in a marriage that we don’t want to be in, or how we feel inadequate all the time, or perhaps most of all...how lonely we are. Just like any drug--alcohol, porn, heroin, junk food, cocaine, TV, weed...social media is also often a numbing solution that makes us feel better for a second. But there are long term consequences to pay; drugs keep us in negative feedback loops, distracting us from the problems we need to solve in order to gain control of our lives. Slowly, these drugs empty us and waste our finite, precious time here on Earth. And with specific regard to media drugs: studies show that they gently nudge the compass on our desires and beliefs, and change how we interact with the real world. Our thoughts are being groomed by the people who provide the drugs.

Every time I let go of a drug and simplify my life, I find deeper joy. So now, I am giving up the drug of being on social media. In taking an honest stock of my life so far, I’ve found that my deepest, most meaningful relationships and most fulfilling projects spawned from human to human connections, in the flesh--outside of social media. Who am I to argue with this phenomenon? So… Farewell, Social Media. I need to make room for more real-life stuff right now.

I'm taking a huge leap here, for me, of course--but also for all of us. For all of us who don't feel at home on these apps; who've hoped that it might be possible (one day, at least) to just simply do what we love, without having to also be an internet content creator and digital promoter at the same time. I have a hunch that we don't actually need these platforms, but I guess we'll see…

“I do not know but it is too much to read one newspaper in a week, for I now take the weekly Tribune, and for a few days past, it seems to me, I have not dwelt in Concord; the sun, the clouds, the snow, the trees say not so much to me. You cannot serve two masters. To read of things distant and sounding betrays us into slighting these which are apparently near and small.”

— H. D. Thoreau (Raw Journal Entry), Jan 20, 1852

Special thanks to Blue Star Press for being supportive of my decision to get off social media, even though it most certainly wasn’t their first choice. I appreciate that they worked to understand my reasoning and create space for me to carry out this experiment.

What’s Next?

If you’re interested in staying in touch and seeing what happens next, please join my mailing list below. I’m currently writing a few things, so we’ll see what makes the cut and gets published. :)

A modern day revision/edit of “Walden”
A whole food, vegan cookbook with meal planning guides and prep; for busy people who want to eat well at home every day without getting burnt out (basically, sharing how I do it!)
Children’s books with scientific themes (nuclear energy, for example)